Journal · Uncluttered Thoughts and Everything

Untold Clingy Story

I don’t know who possessed me but I think my clingy virtual self personality does. This is very unusual for me to reminisce years back about this booming girl/boy relationships we have. But contrary to what I heard from other experiences, some of them said that the longer years you’ve been together the worse it became. And us, in our first year together, smirks and just ‘let us see soon’ face. Poker face, we somewhat give it a percentage of it might happen but more of ‘let us prove that it does not apply to everyone’ expressions. Not yet a period. I sometimes, no, I seldom share or post about ‘what’s up with us’ because I was too happy that I already consumed everything privately. We are happy.

How skinny he was, no fats and only sprawling bones, curly hair and white teeth. One of the things I can laugh about was when he stole my picture posted in the HS public bulletin when I won 2nd place in the Bohol STEP competition (of course without my knowledge, and everyone’s knowledge I guess). He kept it for months (maybe he glances at it before he sleeps, assuming self). During final exams in our senior year, I took it an hour late because I was caught in the rain going to school. I was wet and I borrowed and changed clothes. I wore the  Kimona instead of the school uniforms. Majority of them finished the exams, and I started to write my name in the answer sheets. And the sprawling bones came in, he brought a wallet size of shiny white paper and approached me with furrowed brows. “I will be returning it to you.”, He smashed the white paper in my desk. I was shocked. I flipped the paper, and “Ohh it’s my face!” So why are you returning it to me when in the first place I don’t give it to you? His face turned red. Oh oh and left. 

Now, when I remember and talk a little about it, he’s embarrassed and he wanted me to forget it. “Love, can we forget it, I hate why I did it” And me, okay love. Your wish is granted. And days and months and years passed by, here I am spilling those words again, and here he is, asking me for the nth time to forget those and me, saying yes, let’s forget about it. And then… again (like a wheel) haha

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called Present.

Nothing’s extraordinary. He’s a year older than me by age, but I am 5 years older than him when it comes to maturity. Haysss. It is like I’m having a younger brother in my watch. But, no complaints. I enjoyed our journey together from learning ourselves evolve from careless to full of selves attention. From being so clumsy to being so firm and bold. And, I love everytime I teach him to do this and that. Like for ex. I teach him about money management. I let him have his personal daily expenses journal. I teach him to prioritize priorities and inculcate to him that it’s not about having a small salary, it’s about how you budget. And to be smart. Again, it’s not about how expensive the clothes you are wearing, it’s you who wore it.

You think, by this time I am full of myself because I’m an independent strong decisive superwoman with a soft heart. There are lots of things I learned in early age that you wish you learned too but no, I lack something else. That is to fully embrace myself. He told me that I was so paranoid and I overthink a lot of things. Yeah, that’s one of my low points. I am over conscious of everything and worse is, I examine, rethink, evaluate and give conclusions to simple words spoken. You get what I mean? I always thought the IFS in every word I heard about me. I always questioned the underlying motives. Yeah, you think it right. Those consumed me and sometimes those made me lonely and made me think, I am less and nobody.

And, this untold clingy story never ends. It keeps coming back, story-telling.

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